I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
