you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
