Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
