I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
