He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
whose parrot is this?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
