So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
