She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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