I just threw up on my dentist
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
