:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
