She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
