she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
