Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
