i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
