So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
