I think i sorta joined a cult last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
