hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
