you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
