don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
