i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
