Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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