At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
