he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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