im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
