Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
