It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
