There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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