i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
