I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
