every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
