ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
