He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
