I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
