i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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