Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
