You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
