i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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