Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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