Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
