you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
