It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
