then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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