I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
