he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
