Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Less talking, more tequila
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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