I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
