I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
PANTIES FOUND
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