textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
