she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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