I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
