New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
